Thoughts. Opinions. Everything under the sun. Threw in together here.
This is my blog. Drei's the name.
You feel sadness. It starts in your stomach when you read a message from a person whom you truly care about told you that they can’t be with you. It goes up to the middle of your ribcage where it gives your lungs difficulty to breathe. Your breathing slows down as you feel your brain process the words and the sentences you read. You try to think that it’s all a joke, but you know in yourself that it is true. It’s all happening and you can’t do anything about it except to stare at the monitor and over-analyze the message. Your fingers desperately types on the keyboard to inquire about that message. To your parents, you’re just a teenager calmly sitting on a chair typing furiously without a care about the world. They don’t understand. Inside, you feel like you’re burning with the overwhelming frustration and sadness. But outside you just kept your eyebrows knitted and you zipped your lips on a thin line. You keep on staring at the monitor waiting for the person to reply and to tell you that it’s all a joke. Still no message. You read the message again, then you analyze it again. The sadness and the pressure you feel at the middle of your ribcage goes up to your heart, some of it stays at the lungs but you feel the pressure and the sadness burning your heart up. You hunch your back looking at the screen. Still no message. You read the message once again and you feel the sadness spreading from your heart up to your throat. You dare not to speak because you know that your voice will crack up and your parents will know that there is something wrong with you. But you can’t deal with them right now. The person you’re messaging replies. It’s confirmed. You can’t be with that person. The burning feeling becomes a flame that spreads from your heart to other parts of your body. You sweat like a maniac. Your eyes feels like they’re on the verge of crying but you just can’t let it out. You wonder why. But everything feels so shitty right now. You get off the computer and just lay down on your bed, thinking what have you done to deserve this. But still no tears. You just feel numb because you’ve been wrecked inside by a monstrous force that left your insides to ashes. You feel the heaviness of the situation and you start to cry.
And I am telling you. Please do cry. I’m not telling you it’s gonna be fine, because look at me, I am not fine. But please let it out.
- *me and my friends strolling down the river*
- me: OMG IS THAT A CROCODILE
- them: no its charleen
- me: oh.
So kanina nag appeal ako kay tenerife.
He told me that I would be in strict conduct probation next school year. (kahit na hindi ako bagsak sa conduct.) And he said that effeminate behavior disgraces the school at if ever na makikita nya kong maglalabas ng effeminacy ay kick out kaagad ako. But that wasn’t even the point.
The point is that nag aappeal Ako dahil bagsak ako sa chem and math, not my effeminate behavior. I controlled my urge to rip his this white hair out of his homophobic, balding head. He told me to choose the better things.
And then he unsubtly told me that being gay is definitely not a better thing.
If I would get kicked out for being effeminate, I would sue his old, rotten ass.